uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
