i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
