NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
