His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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