you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
