i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
PANTIES FOUND
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