just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize