Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
