he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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