I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
