oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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