Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
