How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
