I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
