you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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