mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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