i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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