i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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