I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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