dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
