So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want a musical about memes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
