friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These tits shall not be calmed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
