speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
