At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
