Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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