Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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