hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
