He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
