So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
