he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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