First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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