i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
