Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
