His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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