Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
please come you make the beer taste better
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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