I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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