I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
