U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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