Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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