tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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