i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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