people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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