A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
