Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
