you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
