I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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