by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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