I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
