Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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