What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
