I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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