guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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