I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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