i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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