Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
