seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize