My sheets look like a crime scene.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
