haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
