I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
