Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
