I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
