If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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