I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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