I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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