I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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