Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
