he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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