I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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