i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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