His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
